Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
