he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
