How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
