I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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