JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
