I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
