either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
