weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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