Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
