Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
