Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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