This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
