bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
