New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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