I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
