It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
