I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Did we literally take a cab across the street
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
