If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
