There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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