I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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