This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
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