Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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