Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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