Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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