Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
