WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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