I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
