she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
