I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Never joke about your clitoris.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
