I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
