i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You are the jesus of drinking
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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