I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
