id be glad to
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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