i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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