i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
