90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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