I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
