Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
where are you?
Hypothermia
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
