good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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