He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
