a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
