hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just googled if crying burns calories
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
