So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
