3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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