So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
