he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
