So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Acid is not a monday night drug
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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