Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
