Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
