butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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