Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
